I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
