no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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