dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
