Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
