**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
