Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
