There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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