I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
