i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
