Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are two peas in an std pod
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
