I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
