i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
