I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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