I'm jealous of your bromance
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
