perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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