just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
