bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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