i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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