I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
