I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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