dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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