his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
