Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
