Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Houston, we have a squirter
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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