All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
