Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
