It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
