I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Acid is not a monday night drug
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
