The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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