So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
