Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
