I think my fart just growled at me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
