Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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