roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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