I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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