I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
