Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
