Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
