The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
