I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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