You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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