Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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