A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
