i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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