You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
