i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do herpes really smell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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