i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
