I've blown a few things in my day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
