you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
