Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
