im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
