I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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