Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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