How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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